Manhandlers
You can clutch 'em all you want, but that doesn't mean you're in control
Airhead Mega Slice
The Breakdown: When a man with legs the size of dueling pianos says he has plenty of surface area to move around in whips, you know he's looking at a big toy. Extra air toward the front edge makes it a smooth ride when the rough stuff comes. Big as the Slice is, it's also easy to fill with air. 
Best Match-up: One rider wants pleasant, one wants fast
Inside Strategy: Keep weight back in starts to prevent nose dives
The Ticket: $219, boatersworld.com
Connelly Interceptor
The Breakdown: Muscle up. It's easier to get the Interceptor leaning on its back edge than it is to ride it out. Our big guinea pig had to use all his upper-body strength to stay aboard with his lithe little bunny because of the G-forces generated in turns. He also dominated 95 percent of the riding area in doing so.
Best Match-up: Two equal-size riders wanting a workout
Inside Strategy: Lean to the center in whips
The Ticket: $199, connellyskis.com
Radar Afterburner
The Breakdown: The bottom surface of the Afterburner is bulbed, so it moves on a smaller surface area than you'd think - making it extra active. It's also slightly hollow on top, and large - a combination that kept a tiring Mr. Samuels from collapsing on the field late in the fourth quarter.
Best Match-up: Passengers seeking a fast, but sportsmanlike, ride
Inside Strategy: Fill the center tight for best speed
The Ticket: $326, radarskis.com
Sevylor Triple X
The Breakdown: Triple X, meet Quadruple X. The manly offensive lineman dwarfed the tube when they stood nose to chest, but at the end of a five-minute ride, the big man was dragging himself to the bench. Sevylor's most athletic tube was able to literally sprint and hurdle with 330 pounds on its back, and with minimal scheming at the wheel.
Best Match-up: Rider vs. driver, settling a score
Inside Strategy: Drive simple S-turns at 15 mph
The Ticket: $173, sevylor.com
Stearns X-3
The Breakdown: What do you do with a scud-shaped inflatable with a slick bottom and narrow surface area for the rider's torso? You step aside and turn it over to an eager 11-year-old. Turns out, the gentle convex design on top helped our rider situate his legs and hips like a shifty running back in hard maneuvers.
Best Match-up: One midsize rider - the tube needs some weight to get moving
Inside Strategy: Use bumps in the water to heighten the action
The Ticket: $208, stearnsinc.net
Skill Players
You cannot anticipate the moves these models could pull off
Connelly Trifecta
The Breakdown: Redskins fullback Mike Sellers entered our game on this three-leaf clover, and was promptly eliminated from the action. The three riders sit against the backrest, unable to see each other until the backseater bounces out every time (even a 280-pound bulldozer). Without question, the day's funniest tube.
Best Match-up: Two tough guys and a girl
Inside Strategy: Sit low to keep your heads from bumping
The Ticket: $369, connellyskis.com
Gladiator Thunder
The Breakdown: This shallow taco-style ride can be rocked from side-to-side in turns, so you can tactfully slide up and down wakes. It's easier to control with one rider. As Sellers and Jane Everets found out, with two people (one having arms as meaty as Thanksgiving turkeys) the Thunder was more difficult to predict than a tropical storm.
Best Match-up: A couple in counseling, practicing teamwork
Inside Strategy: Push down on the side that rises off the water
The Ticket: $229, overtons.com
HO Ion
The Breakdown: HO came out with the first "sphere" design three years ago, and they've perfected it with the Ion (Samuels said so, and we didn't argue). The corner balls absorbed the wakes and the middle riding pad flexed under weight while Samuels and Monique Cox changed riding positions at least seven times on the fly.
Best Match-up: Two adults, one kid … just pile on
Inside Strategy: Rest your back on the spheres for a different sensation
The Ticket: $530, hosports.com
Radar Hovercraft
The Breakdown: Our scouting report of this big square tube was on target when we found it challenging to get outside the wakes. But once it turned the corner, the Hovercraft skated on one of its three bottom keels. A slap on Samuels' shoulder pads (no wait, those are just shoulders) for riding it out.
Best Match-up: The more weight, the better
Inside Strategy: Use the sponsons on top to brace your legs
The Ticket: $304, radarskis.com
Sea-Doo Breeze by Wham-O
The Breakdown: We would have maxed out the capacity of the Breeze with one of the players' arms, so we let a lithe pro wakeboarder give it a rip. Less surface area in the back makes it challenging to overcome physical errors. It crossed the wakes with the quickness of a tailback, but the square edges slowed it down in the flats.
Best Match-up: One or two small riders up to a mild physical challenge
Inside Strategy: Ride with weight back for maximum action
The Ticket: $129, wham-o.com
Neutralizers
You'll sit back to relax, but don't get too comfortable
Aquaglide Supercross 2
The Breakdown: Co-rider Derek Seaman was tempted to use Samuels' big toe as a handle when the ominous lineman sat down next to him. When maxed out for inflation, the Supercross rode high, with no surface tension on the edges. There was also minimal tension in the test team, making it seem like the off-day this was supposed to be.
Best Match-up: A couple - a real couple
Inside Strategy: Small wakes give it the best action
The Ticket: $209, aquaglide.net
Coleman Hydrofusion
The Breakdown: Given the choice of riding with the seat inserts in place (creating a wide deck tube) or stuffing rear ends into open cockpits, we took the latter. You can't fight the action when seated, as the outside riders proved when they came unstuffed. Samuels smartly rode in the middle of the line.
Best Match-up: Two amped riders outside and one leisure cruiser inside
Inside Strategy: Do not get cocky and loosen your grip
The Ticket: $329, coleman.com
HO Triple Shot
The Breakdown: After 12 hours of abuse, our two Pro Bowl players sat back in the Triple Shot's first class seats. Just as they were about to order drinks (it has cupholders!), the Triple Shot took flight. That's 610 pounds of meat, plus a 90-pound water boy, sliding outside the wakes and lifting off.
Best Match-up: Bring on the biggest dudes at the dock
Inside Strategy: If you don't like water in the face, don't ride
The Ticket: $375, hosports.com
Pop Warner Rides
Laying the foundation for future tubing stars
Connelly Full Tilt
The Breakdown: Our kids wanted to try a different position after 10 minutes of riding back-to-back with the Full Tilt being towed from one end. So we hooked up the second tow point on the outside edge, which allowed them to ride sideways. Keep it behind the boat, or your youngest passenger might just quit.
Best Match-up: One slightly older kid will make the young 'un feel safe.
Inside Strategy: Take some air out to slow it down and make it fear-free
The Ticket: $239, connellyskis.com
Rave Hydro
The Breakdown: This is one of the deepest-riding tubes we've tested, allowing Mom and Dad to breathe easy. Even our daintiest rider was all teeth when the speed picked up. The thick lip up front deflects most of the spray, but the water pipe under the rear spoiler sucks it back up and shoots water skyward.
Best Match-up: Little ones tubing without parents for the first time
Inside Strategy: Fill the bottom cushion tight, so water doesn't slap the hiney
The Ticket: $139, ravesports.com
Sevylor Wake Slider
The Breakdown: We had a 140-pound adult riding this little bullet, and he was athletic enough to make it do whatever he wanted (including tumbleturns at the end of whips). But the Wake Slider's slender build would be ideal for an even smaller rider - with a compassionate driver at the wheel.
Best Match-up: An experienced kid who might need humbling
Inside Strategy: Tighten up the waist on your shorts
The Ticket: $99, sevylor.com
